A Prayer

The Power of Prayer


I have a picture on the wall of my dining room of Eric and Jenn, a couple who are dear to me. Often, when I walk by it, I find myself smiling at them as if they’re right there with me. And then I move on. For that one brief moment, I feel the love in my heart for them and they are blessed by it. That’s a prayer.

When I call for support, I reach out to another to join me in holding someone in the highest possibility of their good. Together we express our caring and see the fulfillment of the needs complete. That’s a prayer.

Prayer is a consciousness or a chosen way of experiencing life. Prayer can be expressed through thought, words or actions. As we connect with Spirit, our inner nature is transformed and we are blessed by grace. Aligning our choices according to spiritual laws, allows us to live life as a prayer. Making a difference matters not whether we’re gardening, paying bills, or writing a poem about peace. They are all prayers.

If a child asked me what is a prayer, I would reply, “It’s a way of saying ‘Hi’ from your heart to someone you love or to someone who loves you very much. It feels good inside you and you know you’re not alone.” That’s a prayer.

As a chaplain,  I have the opportunity to hold the space to remember that God is in charge and is within you or whoever we’re praying for. I join with you in my prayer consciousness and see everyone involved being connected to and guided by Source for their highest good. That’s a prayer.

All prayers are needed. All prayers count. Please pray.


It’s an E-book: Adults Abused As Children Available

Adults Abused As Children is available as an e-book from the following online retailers:
Get it on iBooksiBooks
Nook by Barnes and NobelNook

Sebastopol woman creates 12-Step recovery program for adults abused as children

Young boy and his bearMeg McConahey, writer for The Press Democrat, interviewed El Chess for an article published on December 9, 2016. It covers how the Adults Abused As Children Anonymous Program came out of the experiences of founder, El Chess.

Click here to read the article.


Happy Ending

I am not alone. I ask for Help.

I am a little piece of the Source…in this body, with this personality, with my past.

I am enough. I am loved as I am.

I am what I am. I love myself as a human being filled with Divine Substance.

I forgive myself. I forgive others.

I love human beings.

I am asked and moved to share my hope. I say – yes! it only takes one, it only takes me.


Tell them that it is possible to enjoy a peaceful, happy life as an adult.

Tell them, as adults, it is our responsibility to love ourselves.

God/dess eternally creates new in us.

Tell them to let go of their version of how life was supposed to turn out, while maintaining

their vision of what they’ve always known to be possible.

There is a world of  God/dess within all form.

How I have grown, you can grow too.

There is no need to worry anymore.



First, I survived.

Now, I thrive.

much work

much courage

much grace

much more


I am a happy ending.









We Love Ourselves

Peace CollageIt is Our Job to Love Ourselves

As children we may have assumed that it was our parents’ job to love us; now that we are adults, we learn that it is our job alone to love ourselves. It is not the responsibility of our spouse or partner; nor is it our children’s job either. We are each accountable for loving ourselves. The love others give us is a gift, not their responsibility. They are not required to fulfill our expectations. In other words, they were not put on the face of this earth just to love us!

Longing for Love

Since some of us did not feel loved as a child, as adults we still have the very strong longing to feel loved by another and think we need their love to be happy. However, it is good news for adults abused as children to find out that we can satisfy our longing to be loved by loving ourselves and allowing our Higher Power and others to love us. We see that the experience of feeling loved now is possible because it is in our hands, not someone else’s. We make a lifelong decision to love ourselves no matter what! We are aware that this decision opens up a whole new world of possibilities for us. We are no longer trying to get love from someone else to feel good.

Letting Go and Learning to Surrender

Many of us have developed attention-seeking skills to feel loved, but now we can surrender these old ways and just love ourselves as we are. We surrender being a “goody two shoes” so we’ll be appreciated and surrender telling others what they want to hear, whether we believe it or not. We let go of putting others’ wants before our own so that they won’t leave us. We release the need to maintain silence as we play small, so as not to take the focus off another. As we surrender one day at a time, we find we don’t need to be anything other than who or what we are today to feel loved. We learn to give it to ourselves and are open to receive it from a Higher Power.

Journal Entry 3/27/16

All my trials are…

Woman's FearAll my trials are the result of seeing things as wrong, incorrect or different than they should be. They wouldn’t be a trial for me if I accepted them as they are and not fought or resisted somehow. Wanting something or someone to be other than it is, creates the trial itself.

When a certain aspect of me appears that I deem undesirable I experience it as a problem to be fixed or at least changed because I’m not who I want to be. For example, when I make a fear-based decision it becomes a trial if I judge me as bad for making that kind of decision.

I’ve created a practice of having a consciousness of saying YES to what I say No to. I use this practice to balance my difficulty with accepting how life turned out to be. When I experience my own resistance to “what is so,” my first step is to become aware of what I don’t want. The second step is for me to own the resistance by being accountable for it and not blaming what I don’t want to something outside of me. The third is to hold my NO with an attitude or mindset of YES. What I really wanted was to be the kind of a person who would not resist at all, of course, resisting who I turned out to be. I have to practice being okay with resistance.

When real changes need to be made, I need to ground and center myself in the moment to acknowledge “what is so,” to be clear about a direction or a course to take, if any.

Connection vs. Attachment

I like the warm, cozy, fuzzy feeling I get when I’m attached. I feel secure and safe. I relax. I just want to stay there forever. There is no fine stream of air between us. We are one. We do not exist apart from the other. This feeling is what I’ve always wanted.

A couple of issues arise for me, however. First, I realize my experience of “coming home” is dependent on another. If he/she weren’t present I wouldn’t feel warm and safe. My experience of life is in his/her hands. I cannot afford to have my life in anyone else’s hands anymore, though. Yet I still want the experience of security. That is my dilemma. Second, is a sense of loss of self in order to connect in this way. I fill in the void inside me with the other’s energy, feelings, opinions, etc.

There is a way of having my cake and eating it too – maintain a sense of wholeness of self while connecting to others. So I’ll have no voids for another to fill. My sense of wholeness comes from knowing that my Source of security is within me.

In that moment of awareness that I have a choice of losing or maintaining self, when I can, I consciously choose wholeness and focus my will to connect from that place. Then this wonderful thing happens, I sense an expansion of myself, of the moment and of the other.

Heart Musings

red heart

“A dry riverbed remembers moisture.”

My heart remembers love. A time ago.

Was it yesterday or the yesterday before that?

Its fiery embers lie in the deep shadows of the valley.

And its red strands can be sensed on the highest ridges of the hills.

Waiting for the return of the wave.

Waiting for the return of love, believing itself to be barren. Yet it is only hidden from even the most astute seeker.

The piercing arrow’s path in the bed of the heart had been filled in with balm.

Being smoothed soft by the seasons of time and Grace.

The arrow was last seen passing through the veil of the known, targeting the deep mystery beyond.

Leaving behind a field of possibilities and hope.


My heart is ready for fullness again.

As the mere thought of it creates a swelling within.

It begins in a small crevice at the bottom of my heart.

Gradually, expanding into the center itself, open for the sweet fruit to blossom in its time.

As my heart remembers love.