All my trials are…

Woman's FearAll my trials are the result of seeing things as wrong, incorrect or different than they should be. They wouldn’t be a trial for me if I accepted them as they are and not fought or resisted somehow. Wanting something or someone to be other than it is, creates the trial itself.

When a certain aspect of me appears that I deem undesirable I experience it as a problem to be fixed or at least changed because I’m not who I want to be. For example, when I make a fear-based decision it becomes a trial if I judge me as bad for making that kind of decision.

I’ve created a practice of having a consciousness of saying YES to what I say No to. I use this practice to balance my difficulty with accepting how life turned out to be. When I experience my own resistance to “what is so,” my first step is to become aware of what I don’t want. The second step is for me to own the resistance by being accountable for it and not blaming what I don’t want to something outside of me. The third is to hold my NO with an attitude or mindset of YES. What I really wanted was to be the kind of a person who would not resist at all, of course, resisting who I turned out to be. I have to practice being okay with resistance.

When real changes need to be made, I need to ground and center myself in the moment to acknowledge “what is so,” to be clear about a direction or a course to take, if any.